xiii: you said move on (where do i go)

title: good riddance!
date: Thursday, January 28, 2010
time:6:34 AM

data entry! wahahhahaha. no more spss. :D

-cheryl~*

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title: adding another entry
date: Tuesday, January 26, 2010
time:6:51 AM

for a secret reason.

if you can guess the reason, you score one point!

-cheryl~*

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title: weird ppl read my blog
date:
time:6:37 AM

and discuss it! omg.
should i privatize it?

-cheryl~*

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title: like two peas in a pod.
date: Sunday, January 24, 2010
time:10:56 AM

but what happens, if we're different.
if the monetary values and principles in life, totally different.
i know that people are different,
but why do i like familiarity more than i like ppl who are different from me.
what made us friends?
i dont remember.

for every choice, we pick different things.
we live different lives. but are friends in front of ppl.
i dont know what goes on in your life. neither do you mine.
i never get anything back. or maybe i just dont know what i get back.
everytime you do things somehow,
i just feel more and more disheartened and disillusioned.

do you feel this way as well?

-cheryl~*

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title: my mum
date: Thursday, January 21, 2010
time:7:18 PM

it is confirmed by blood tests that my mum has chikungunya.
MOH called her up this morning to ask her where she was the past few days and NEA will probably come by to do a sweep of the house premises for mosquito breeding sites.
the doctor said that she just needs to rest at home, cos its less fatal than dengue. lol.
at least we now know what it is.
i really hope i dont get it. that would SUCK much much

-cheryl~*

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title: this has been a trying 2 weeks
date:
time:4:47 AM

1. got into accident on the PIE last week

2. made an insurance claim for the accident

3. have to drive a replacement car that creaked and groaned like anything

4. mum gets ?dengue and has generalized arthralgia (joint pain) and spiking fevers

5. complete data analysis in 2 days

6. did a 1.5 hour presentation to the group on data analysis

thats so far. everything except my mum getting ?dengue is related to CHP so i have come up with a theory.

mishaps ------------> pain is confounded by CHP.

Definition of confounder: confounding occurs when the association between exposure to a factor (mishaps) and the consequent development of a dz (pain) is distorted by a third variable (CHP) which is itself associated with the factor and the disease.

CHP is a risk factor for pain.

CHP is associated with mishaps.

CHP is not in the intermediate step in the causal path between exposure and disease.

whee! amazing how clear i am on confounders already. hahahaha.

at least we have finally completed data. presentation and report writing, pls choose the data you want yourselves. we have worked hard enough :( lalala.

-cheryl~*

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title: Great news!
date: Monday, January 18, 2010
time:2:01 AM

Insurance contacted me and the other party is taking the full responsibility for the accident. So I can finally repair my car!!(: so tmr, have to send down my car for surveyor assessment and repair(: and confirm my replacement car for the next week. Got offered Toyota rush by the company n it was like one of those cars I was considering before getting my beetle. Interesting(:

Okay. At least the ordeal is almost over.

Tmr got data meeting n I have to send my car down to vw to get it fixed too during lunch! Tmr will b a bz day):

-Cheryl~*

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

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title: im turning into..
date: Saturday, January 16, 2010
time:7:36 AM

an old wrinkled pruny grandma!

im excited over getting new yarn. omg.

-cheryl~*

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title: btw
date: Friday, January 15, 2010
time:9:37 AM

i think i fall hard and fast in love. like if i dont see you i feel so empty and i cant sleep, how i wonder if anything will ever happen between us. things from our conversation keeps repeating in my head.. its so strange. seriously, why are you running in circles in my head. i need to do data entry! later got errors how?sigh, even finding out you're a commitment-phobic from some facebook quiz makes me worried..

someone once told me that girls are so stupid to blog about their feelings and not express what they feel to the guy. im sorry man, i have no courage okay? im just scared he'll reject me. as i have to others.. i scared i got karma! later he really commitment phob how?! >.<

OKAY. i think im emo after seeing some beautiful wedding photos on facebook.
omg her dresses are SO PRETTY!! zzz

-cheryl~*

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title: hmm..
date:
time:9:13 AM

after seeing both of you tonight.
i think you two are really lucky to have found each other, even though it has taken so long, but better late than never! :)

now then.. when will i find mine?

-cheryl~*

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title: Meet my pink cat friend
date: Thursday, January 14, 2010
time:7:56 AM

As stated above!

I need to buy eyes n more yarn!! Heee(:
Amigurumi is so addicting!
I learnt how to change colours already!! Like damn pro(:

-Cheryl~*

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

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title: Meet Muffles
date: Wednesday, January 13, 2010
time:8:19 AM

I just completed my very first amigurumi!! Okay there are a couple of discrepencies n blatant errors but at least the stuffing isn't leaking out(:(:

So tiny! So cute! Hahahah!

Oh yes I made my insurance claim today.. The lady told me that I can't repair my car until the taxi company files an insurance report as well.. Hopefully I won't have to wait too long for my repairs, it's sad to drive around with my number plate cable tied to my car.. It just spoils the image man! Sigh why so suay..

-Cheryl~*

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

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title: hard as a rock.
date: Tuesday, January 12, 2010
time:6:06 AM

got into a car accident on the PIE today. was on my way to bedok for fieldwork. traffic was stopped for the vehicles involved to move from the right most lane to the road shoulder. very cool. strangest coincidence that behind the vehicles involved, was a police car. kind of like God knew i would get into an accident.

i dont know if im suffering from whiplash, but my neck and shoulders kind of ache, and i thought i felt a step along my cervical vertebra. cant tell for sure cos i was feeling myself. no numbness in my fingers or tingling sensation as of yet.

need to claim insurance tmr. mom said even though the taxi barreled into my beetle's sad behind, could still be my fault, cos there was a motorcyclist who banged into the taxi's behind. sigh. and all i did was stop to avoid hitting the car in front, he was the car who came to a complete standstill. sigh.

my beetle's structure was fairly intact, except my reverse light fell out, and i dont know where it is. and my number plate fell off, so on the way home, she was a sad beetle lacking an identity for her behind. plus there were a couple of scratches over her behind. sigh.

interesting bunch of ppl involved. the motorcyclist wasnt that badly injured, more like grazed superficially, and he was more interested in his limited edition bike.. which after the accident couldnt move. and the passenger in the taxi and the motorcyclist were very interested in my car number, which they decided would be a good bet for 4D tmr. well done. the taxi driver was just damn sian, i noticed he had sclera icterus, and xanthelesma, wanted to ask if he had liver problems but i controlled my medical student self.

spent 1 hour on the road shoulder, exchanging info, talking to police and waving to curious cars that slowed down. and feeling heartbroken over my car. i wish i could turn back time. and i had to ps weichee for fieldwork cos of the accident! crap. i hope we can finish our blocks.

how am i going to get to bedok now on! *troubled*

-cheryl~*

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title: today is emo day
date: Monday, January 11, 2010
time:8:27 AM

the day started pretty normal, with me snoozing my iphone and sleeping an additonal 9 minutes before it started beeping again. my alarm tone is "fireflies" and despite how soothing it is, hearing it ring repeatedly just gets really annoying. anw, finally crawled out of bed at 8am, and with lectures starting at 9, not really a feasible timing. took a shower, changed, and got into my car at 840am, and guess what. turns out Ngee Ann Poly was having its joint admissions exercise today, resulting in a massive jam along clementi road. i believe they should make a right turning into Ngee Ann, instead of having a U turn at maju camp! it just clogs up the already very busy 3 lane clementi road into a 2 laned one! i wish the LTA would do something about this..

well was late for the biostats lecture, a very impt lecture especially for me since im heading data analysis. i cant be clueless about data analysis.. which despite the rather interesting story about how Fischer came up with significant value of p<0.05, im still relatively foggy about it. foggy is probably the best word at present. the 2nd lecture was just as confounding. and the briefing about cofm pros, was at best, mediocre.

had CHP meeting, got the questionnaires distributed. headed for lunch with ruizhi and jiayan, who were going to play badminton after. i wanted to play badminton, but i thought perhaps i had to do fieldwork, and i thought the CHP meeting would drag, but it didnt. and fieldwork got cancelled due to unforseen circumstance, and so i didnt bring anything to play badminton with and in the end i left when my com started to die. i also couldnt connect to the NUSOPEN wifi network, cos my NUSNET password expired, and i had no way to change it without internet. wow. convenient. and i had to send some emails asap, but i couldnt! so i left. dont think anybody noticed. until like they finished playing badminton. nobody smsed/msned/called to ask me whats up, or whats bothering me, or why i left without telling them.

somehow i got really depressed when i got home, so i jumped into the shower, and blasted hot water. and then i went to take a nap. the dreams i had during the nap were not fun, not exhilarating, just more dreary and dreadful. perhaps it is not best to take a nap to forget your troubles.

i dont deal well with stress. i dont eat as much, i dont have the energy, i sleep late, cos i get worried and get insomnia, leading to the fact that i cant wake up in the morning and the cycle continues. my mood gets worse, i see everyone as out to get me, and i cant see past little things. i expect everyone to be like me, and live up to my expectations, when i know that my saner self would see that this is impossible. i dont know what to do right now, i want to be alone, yet i dont want to be.

personally, i dont think i can last being alone. i am an emotionally dependent person. and sensitive. i need someone to listen to my troubles, to hear my thoughts, to give me advice and ideas. im not much of a leader, im not dominant like i appear to be, im actually perhaps a bit cliche, more vulnerable than most ppl think. yet, despite making this known multiple times, some ppl just dont see it, and they cant respond the way i want them to. friendships, seem at times such mere ties of convenience, going out just to get some new blouse or shoes, or catch a movie, so shallow. sometimes, i just want to go to a park and sit on the grass and talk. about the trees about the sun, about how pretty the sky looks during sunset. about what i feel, about what i want to do, about whats dragging down my heart. about the guy i like who doesnt treat me like i exist, etc.

i guess blogs are for people who have no one who truly understand what they feel. i dont think i have found someone human who understands me, but at least i have God in my life. everytime im in church and during worship, somehow, i feel empowered and i feel like i can survive in the world the coming week, i feel like i can do it on my own and pull through. i think its cos God makes me feel significant and how everything i worry about is just so stupid and minute in comparison to his greater plan. when we worry about how we'll buy our first house, get married and have children.. theres really no point.

i dont know about tomorrow,

i just live from day to day,

i dont borrow from the sunshine,

as the skies may fade to grey.

i dont worry o'er the future,

for i know what Jesus said.

and today i'll walk beside Him,

for He knows what is ahead.

-cheryl~*

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title: calf pain
date: Friday, January 8, 2010
time:8:27 AM

fieldwork is sooooooooo hard! :(

at least the response rate was really encouraging! we didnt cover a lot of houses, like 2.5 floors only! but like all the uncles we interviewed were really nice and they really tried their best to answer questions, and participated really enthusiastically! very encouraging.

i discovered from talking to this uncle, that my chinese is really really really bad. hahaha. i read 甚 as 堪 lol. then then uncle was like huh what the heck is 尿流"堪"弱 wah damn pai seh! nvm at least now i learnt a new word. the questionnaire chinese is damn CHEEM. omg. not MGS-friendly at all. :(

at least while doing the fieldwork, got to apply our medical knowledge, a few respondants took advantage of the fact that we are future docs to ask as for medical advice and free consultations! not as if me and wei chee very qualified to give advice. lol. tried our best anw. okay next time is me doing the BP measurements! im rather rusty at it.

must try though!

had a very sinful supper after the fieldwork. but im so sleepy i think i cant stay up. oh gosh. confirm fat.

-cheryl~*

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title: pain
date: Wednesday, January 6, 2010
time:9:39 PM

is being left out of the loop by ppl you treasure.

-cheryl~*

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title: all the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players.
date:
time:1:03 AM

quote from shakespeare, how our life on earth is so brief, just like a play. we exist one day and the next day we're gone. 80 years at best from the day we first cry, first open our eyes to the world, our first gasp of fresh air, our tiny raised fists proclaiming a small victory or miracle, called birth. its a nice rainy day, and the african violets i procured to compete with my sis as to who's will die first (morbid i know), are blooming. they are purple.

i read about how ppl in a bid to classify all things, classified the periods of our lives into seasons - spring, summer, autumn, winter. spring represents birth, summer the good wonderful carefree days of frolicking in the hot summer sun, autumn when things start to settle down, and winter representing death. i feel that my summer isnt really summer enough, im not enjoying the sun enough and at times i just want to drop all morals and values and fears whatsoever and do something crazy. im tired of what ifs, and im tired of regrets, and im tired of consequences.

anyways, enough of pointless rambling. i did a lot during the one week break, but nothing much to mention. caught the latest movies, went shopping, caught up with friends, ate good food, celebrated birthdays, christmas, new years. its time for resolutions, but i haven't made any. its kinda redundant if i never keep any past january anyways. i figured, there's no point rushing things. As geeky as i were when i was a kid, i've changed. took some time, but i tend to be notably slower than others.

just because its a new year, im not going to change dramatically, im not going to be less opinionated, less vocal, less brash, less lazy etc. im going to be as intimidating, as loud, as noisy, as otaku, as anti-social as before. i am not a no life, i have a life, and its my definition of having a life, so ppl who think i have no life can screw themselves. hahaha. okay. well, medicine doesnt leave much leftover for fun. its just interesting how ppl get so hyped up over the new year, and celebrate it. whats going to happen after a few months? resolutions forgotten, back to your shitty lives.

well 2010, looking down the road, seems to be a LONG one. ah whatever, every year comes with its challenges and im going to face them. at least i have my alone times to de-stress :)

anw, heading data was exactly what i thought it would be, hard work, yet a tad exhilarating. It's been a while, since i've been left with some responsibility. hopefully there wont be tears and outbursts among the group, and everyone will be happy ppl. at most, some booze at the meetings will make ppl happy. hopefully.

fringe season 1 is awesome, but i cant say the same about season 2. kind of gets screwed up once charlie francis dies, WHY MUST HE DIE! what a poor end to his character. he was my fav character! sure he rambles over his words a bit, and speaks to the floor, and without subtitles i have no freaking clue what he's saying, but his eyes are so dark and mysterious and his voice is so gruff! :) he added so much more colour to olivia's role. tsk. they didnt sign him on due to some monetary matters. WHY KEEP agent farnsworth? she's mega useless lor. tsk. must be her afro.

random note: body shop body butters smell great. should i invest in a big tub? :)

cute cake :)

-cheryl~*

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